How to Commit Murder-One in Self-defense – A Step by Step Guide

First, the prerequisites:

1. It is not mandatory, but it might help if you’re an insecure, overweight under-achiever obsessed with dreams of being a police officer and a hero
2. Start by setting up a command post (an Suv is fine) in a crime ridden neighborhood development – preferably one that even the local police department has abandoned – then appoint yourself judge, jury and, if necessary, executioner
3. Plot and stage an execution

How to stage an execution (in self-defense)

1. Make sure you’re legally armed – being a card carrying member of the NRA would be a plus, but is not required.
2. Carefully profile select your target by ensuring he is young, alone, unarmed and, most importantly, Black
3. Follow the target and engage him as aggressively as is necessary to ellicit an equally aggressive response (remember: it must look like self-defense)
4. Draw your weapon and terminate the target with extreme prejudice

How to get away with it:

1. Exercise due diligence. It is imperative that you commit this act within the jurisdiction of a police department chief who is willing to be a co-conspirator on your behalf – Easy to do if the act takes place in a divided community and you’ve chosen your target carefully
2. Police Chief: Do not process the scene, collect evidence, interview witnesses or attempt to identify the corpse. Assigning a narcotics detective instead of a homicide detective to investigate the scene should all but guarantee success
3. Be prepared to cite a loosely interpreted “Stand Your Ground” law which – when interpreted loosely – conveniently translates to justifiable homicide.
4. Humbly deny all claims by family, friends and neighbors that the two of you are heroes while you patiently await the public declaration that the two of you are heroes
5. Wait a few weeks for the entire sordid event to fade into the public consciousness and voila – you will have gotten away with murder

Oh, one more thing:

Make absolutely sure the target is not a seventeen year kid on his way home from a local convenience store.

That would make him the victim.

3 Replies to “How to Commit Murder-One in Self-defense – A Step by Step Guide”

  1. Hi BJ,

    As I read the statute, it doesn’t give the shooter any cover at all, which makes this case all the more absurd.

    From what I have seen and read about this, the victim had to be an unarmed youth, because I doubt that this dude would have stepped up to someone who he thought would shoot back.

    Police: “No, don’t follow him.” Shooter ignores their directive. What more do we need to know about this guy’s bad intentions?

    Just horrible.


    1. Hi Ray,

      What amazes me most is that this guys intentions seems to be clear to everyone except the police officers who took an oath to protect and serve. The Sanford Police Department has failed on both counts and (imho) the chief, Bill Lee should be charged and tried for conspiracy and obstruction of justice in the same courtroom as Zimmernan.

      Let’s see if justice is watching or if she’s indeed blind?

      Thanks so much for you comments.


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