First, the prerequisites:
1. It is not mandatory, but it might help if you’re an insecure, overweight under-achiever obsessed with dreams of being a police officer and a hero
2. Start by setting up a command post (an Suv is fine) in a crime ridden neighborhood development – preferably one that even the local police department has abandoned – then appoint yourself judge, jury and, if necessary, executioner
3. Plot and stage an execution
How to stage an execution (in self-defense)
1. Make sure you’re legally armed – being a card carrying member of the NRA would be a plus, but is not required.
2. Carefully profile select your target by ensuring he is young, alone, unarmed and, most importantly, Black
3. Follow the target and engage him as aggressively as is necessary to ellicit an equally aggressive response (remember: it must look like self-defense)
4. Draw your weapon and terminate the target with extreme prejudice
How to get away with it:
1. Exercise due diligence. It is imperative that you commit this act within the jurisdiction of a police department chief who is willing to be a co-conspirator on your behalf – Easy to do if the act takes place in a divided community and you’ve chosen your target carefully
2. Police Chief: Do not process the scene, collect evidence, interview witnesses or attempt to identify the corpse. Assigning a narcotics detective instead of a homicide detective to investigate the scene should all but guarantee success
3. Be prepared to cite a loosely interpreted “Stand Your Ground” law which – when interpreted loosely – conveniently translates to justifiable homicide.
4. Humbly deny all claims by family, friends and neighbors that the two of you are heroes while you patiently await the public declaration that the two of you are heroes
5. Wait a few weeks for the entire sordid event to fade into the public consciousness and voila – you will have gotten away with murder
Oh, one more thing:
Make absolutely sure the target is not a seventeen year kid on his way home from a local convenience store.
That would make him the victim.