I could only wonder, after watching the above video, why the following information was mysteriously missing from the text books I was taught from. I used to think it was because the school system that provided my quality education simply couldn’t afford the more accurate BIV (Bachman International Version) of U.S. History 101; but now I know it was simply because someone didn’t want me to know what John Wayne obviously knew!
In 1775, Thomas Jefferson and John Quincy Adams set sail across the Delaware River to tell the King of England they had enough of his liberal agenda. King James called Napoleon and together they decided to kill America. They sent the Nina, the Piñata and the Santa Maria to fight. But then, George Washington and Abraham Lincoln gathered an army to turn back the big government dictators. They told Paul Revere to ride his horse to Frodo to tell him to cast the ring of power into the fires of Mount Doom. But then, John Wilkes Booth showed up and killed Lincoln. But there was still hope, because Jesus appeared on the face of the Liberty Bell and he froze John Wilkes Booth in carbonite. And the liberal homosexuals sailed back to their gay countries, while Americans claimed their land and drank beer. And that’s how freedom was born.