We regret to inform you that several of the IRS’ secure servers were subjected to a brute force attack by an un-named mongrel who managed to gain access to several hundred thousand U.S. taxpayer records. Those records contained additional personal information that was meant to protect you in the event of I.D. theft. Consequently, that same information can now be used to steal your identity.
Needless to say, the risk of something like this happening would have been significantly reduced if you had not provided us with all that unnecessary personal information we requested. Shame on you! You should have known better.
If you should discover that you are a victim of identity theft, you will still be required to file your 2015 federal income tax return. However; please provide only the information required to process your return.
One more thing. Are there any experienced dog whisperers out there looking for a job?