PB&J a la Rick Santorum

If I had to choose between trying to explain what motivates GOP presidential hopeful Rick Santorum to say the ridiculously outlandish things he says or trying to decipher the Voynich Manuscript; my only recourse would be to ask for a single page of cryptic script from the later and a quiet place to read for the remainder of my time here on earth.

Last week Santorum attempted to deliver a Coup de grâce  to the moral character of President Obama, the man whose job he desperately wants, by openly calling into question the president’s theology and implying that he’s anti-christian. That is… when he wasn’t actually implying that he’s a Nazi or the Anti-christ.

On Saturday, Santorum brought a crowd of Tea Partiers in Chattanooga, Tennessee to their feet when he proclaimed that “true happiness comes from doing God’s will in your life.” I always thought true happiness came from being truly happy? But that’s just me. Still, one can only imagine the resultant hysteria if, at that time, a lame Tennessean had suddenly rose from a wheelchair and began to walk!

Somebody look at your neighbor and say Tenne’cost!

Actually, I’m beginning to wonder if Santorum is campaigning for the president’s job or Joel Osteen‘s. If, in his desperation, he’s beginning to confuse the presidential podium with the pulpit. Suffice it to say, I don’t think Obama or Osteen have cause to be concerned. And Santorum – if he fails to secure the GOP nomination – could always build a fortified enclave somewhere in the hills of Tennessee where he and his following would be safe from Satan and he can reign supreme.

He could call it Sanitorium!

On the other hand, I was impressed with one thing Santorum said. Namely, that he carries with him a copy of the U.S. Constitution and Declaration of Independence, “because one without the other is like peanut butter without jelly, it doesn’t work.” That, too, was followed by an enthusiastic standing ovation from the crowd.

Or maybe it was just a case of mass spiritual anaphylaxis caused by an allergic reaction to peanuts?

At any rate, it made me head for the pantry and the ‘fridge. But just so y’all know: I actually prefer jam!

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